Okay, let’s dive into this topic of self-doubt.
Because let’s face it, we’ve ALL had a little self-doubt at some point in our lives. Maybe some of us still struggle with it? Maybe some of us are better at hiding it than others? Who knows.
But, I feel like we should discuss it, and try and get through it together.
Why? Because all this self-doubt is basically stopping you from doing something amazing. And something as small as self-doubt, should NOT.
Let me tell you, I’m no expert on this topic. I doubt myself ALL. THE. TIME. It might not seem like it, but I sure as hell do. Maybe I’m one of those people who are better at hiding it? It gets the best of all of us, trust me.
I mean, when you think about it, it’s not so simple overcoming it. It’s easy to say, “Have confidence!” “Don’t overthink things.” “Just do it.”
But when it comes down to it, it’s harder than we think. Right? What if we fail? What if things don’t go as planned? What if, what if, what if…? The list of self-doubting questions is a long one.
Most people seem to think that successful, confident people never have any self-doubt. They are quick to make decisions, and never seem to regret anything. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Second guessing yourself is human nature. We ALL have it. We’ve ALL been there. The key is overcoming it. How did those successful people overcome their self-doubt?
Naturally, I did some research on this topic. There are TONS of articles on this. I even read a bit of this in the book I’m (still) reading, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fu*k by Mark Manson. I say ‘still’ because not only am I the slowest reader of life, but I also have very little time to read. For the record, I’m only really slow, because I like to highlight the shit outta my books. I’m really just absorbing the information the best I can 😉
Okay, so how can we overcome self-doubt? Well, I’ve read a billion articles, and I’ve carefully selected a few ways I think are a good way to start.
If you hang around people who constantly remind you that you’re not good enough, well then you’re going to feel like you’re not good enough. When you have a great idea, talk to like-minded people about it. The WORST is having a great idea/business plan and telling a friend/boyfriend about it, and they have no excitement in their voice while you’re raging with excitement. I used to date this guy who I would tell all my great ideas to, and his response would be “mmhmm, that’s great babe” in the most monotone voice EVER, while watching the football game on TV….
Like, what?!? Am I talking to myself here? (In all honesty, I was).
Don’t tell people like that your bright ideas. They aren’t worth it. They will just bring you down. Associate yourself with people who will engage in your ideas, converse with you, and possibly even bring you greater ideas. You’ll feel better, and people like that will bring down your self-doubt. TRUST ME.
“She’s 30, married to the perfect guy, 3 kids, and runs a successful business. I want that life. Why isn’t that me??”
STOP. Just stop.
I mean, if I’m being real, that was me. Sometimes it’s STILL me. Because I’m human and it happens. I have to check myself sometimes and remember that I have a great life. The best life, actually. If you compare yourself to Susie next door, you are not going to get very far. Susie worked her ass off to get where she is, so you should stop comparing and do the same. Everyone goes at different speeds in life, and that’s okay. Find a way to accept your speed. In fact, life is NOT a race. Take it at your own pace. Just make sure you’re crossing off goals as you move along.
Setting goals in general is great. However, when we think of goal-setting, we seem to only think big picture. While setting big goals are great, don’t forget about immediate, smaller goals. It’s harder to achieve big-picture goals right away. But when you set smaller goals, you achieve them quicker, and somehow, that’s more motivational. #winning.
There’s nothing more satisfying to me than a list that’s all crossed off. UGH, the ultimate satisfaction, really. I mean, my Saturday morning list that’s got a bunch of chores, plus blog work, plus emails, etc. and all crossed off? Best. Feeling. Ever.
We ALL have failures. Small ones, big ones. Failed business ideas, failed friendships, failed relationships. Human nature is to dwell on why, why, why we failed? But let’s divert that into more positive thinking, shall we? Focus on your successes. Even if they are small ones. Bloggers/Influencers: Don’t focus on how many sponsored posts you’re not getting. Focus on the fact that you even got ONE sponsored post. This is huge in today’s blogging world. If you want to quit your day job for blogging, hey, I’m all for that. Start setting your smaller goals to achieve that big one.
Don’t be afraid to make decisions. Usually, your first gut feeling is probably the right choice. Most of us overthink decisions till we’re blue in the face. Don’t do that. Just make a decision and move on. If it’s right, you’ll be happy. If it’s not, well, you’ve learned something, and you’ll do better next time. Again, don’t dwell on your failures. We ALL make mistakes. Many times we regret those. And we ALWAYS learn from them. At least, we should. If you’re not learning from your mistakes, then we have a problem. So long, as you are learning from your mistakes, you should be fine. Because eventually, you’ll get it right.
This is probably the biggest self-doubting issue. We are afraid to be vulnerable to the world. What if they don’t like me? What if I get no responses? What if I fail? When you’re vulnerable to the world, you run the risk of criticism. Which is hella scary. Do it anyway. Be vulnerable. Who cares if people hate it? For all you know, people might love it. There’s always SOMEONE who will come at you with negative vibes, but for the most part, you’ll probably get a positive response. And if you don’t, then go back, tweak it, and come back stronger. We’re not perfect. And the world knows that, because no one is. Be vulnerable. Let down your walls. And trust yourself.